i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize