I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
