imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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