When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
