My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
