I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize