Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
