Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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