I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
