How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he fucked my hip out of place.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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