No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
