I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
