If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
