I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
