please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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