My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
