before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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