Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just pynch a tree in the face
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
