we made out on top of his cat.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
