so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
