Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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