Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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