Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
