Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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