So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
