too bad you live with your parents still
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I smell like Dick and happiness
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize