Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
