just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
