Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
