woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
