Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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