Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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