I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
