omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
