White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
