I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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