I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
