she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Operation Purity has been aborted
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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