I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
