After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
