Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
