My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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