Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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