Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
