Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize