honey bunches of taint.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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