DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
