Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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