Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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