dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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