if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize