Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I cockslap morals
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
