Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
