apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
