dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
