I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize