there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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