The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's blow job season.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
