im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
