I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
