I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
