i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
