So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
