Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
