There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
