so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
