he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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