HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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