Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
