but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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