Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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