I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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