She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
